Paint On A Smile
by SantittanyForever
Summary: Brittany notices Santana is acting odd, and does whatever she can to find out what's wrong. Rated M for mature themes.
1. Pleasure and Pain

**So guys, it's time for a new fanfic. Yaaay! xD now, I know you guys have all been watching Series 3 of Glee, so I just have to say...SANTITTANY BABY! Ohmigosh, I was so happy when Santana FINALLY came out, but her abuela was so mean about it :( BUT I WAS SO MAD THAT THEY DIDN'T KISS. I mean, come on Ryan Murphy! We've waited 2 seasons, isn't that long enough? -Anyway, enough ranting. Here's the fic ^^ **

**Warning: This story may be distressing to some; contains upsetting topics.**

**-I do not own Glee or any of its characters.**

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><p>Santana awoke to the sun streaming through the bedroom window. She stirred slightly, then rolled over, expecting to be met with a face that was very familiar to her. But she found the left side of the bed empty, and felt her heart begin to flutter with panic. Thoughts began racing through her mind, too fast for her to coherently understand any of them. But then, just as she was about to start hyperventilating, her door swung open and she was greeted by the most beautiful face she had ever seen. The Latina felt herself calm down considerably, and she beckoned for the other girl to join her in the bed. The blonde complied, smiling and giggling as she crawled under the duvet and snuggled into Santana's arms.<p>

"Morning Britt." She sighed contentedly.

"Morning to you too San." The blonde replied happily.

"What were you doing just now?" the darker girl asked curiously.

"Oh nothing, I just went to go and brush my teeth. I think those aliens came back last night and probed me again, because I used that strip thing that Doctor Carl gave us and my teeth were blue."

Santana giggled at this, and turned to the blonde and said:

"No Britt, that's just because you keep rinsing your mouth out with soda after you eat. The sugar in the soda ruins them, so that's why they were blue."

"Well, they're all clean now!" Brittany replied, grinning proudly.

"Oh yeah? Prove it." Growled Santana, lifting one eyebrow suggestively.

At this, Brittany didn't need any more encouragement from the sexy Latina lying next to her. She straddled her, placing one leg either side of her hips, took her face gently in her hands, and began slowly kissing her. Santana let out a small moan, enjoying the feel of Brittany's lips against her own. She then began moving her hands slowly up Brittany's thighs, eliciting a squeal from the blonde. This then encouraged Santana to continue, so her hands continued to travel up Brittany's body until they were pawing at the hem of Brittany's vest top.

"You. Are. Wearing. Too. Many. Clothes." Santana panted, clawing at the offending vest top and practically ripping it off Brittany's torso. Santana then suddenly flipped the blonde over, and began slowly drawing down her pyjama shorts, letting out a sigh of wanting as she saw Brittany quiver with anticipation. But then, as Brittany leant forward and stretched out her arms in an attempt to remove Santana's long-sleeve top, the Latina suddenly froze and sat up straight.

"San? What's wrong?" Brittany asked, confusion evident on her pretty features. "Why d'you stop?"

"Um…it's…I just…I have to go!" Santana exclaimed.

She then got off the bed, grabbing her clothes and bag as she did so, and ran out of the room.

"San!"

But the blonde's cry fell on deaf ears.

Brittany then sat up, befuddled and completely perplexed as to what just happened. She rose to try to stop Santana from leaving, but before she was even halfway down the hall, she heard the ominous slam of the front door.

She rushed to her bedroom window just in time to see Santana climbing into her car and speed off down the road. The blonde sat on the corner of her desk biting her lip with worry, concerned about her girlfriend.

Thoughts began wiggling their way into her mind:

'_Maybe she doesn't like me anymore!'_

'_Maybe she's realised she's not actually Lebanese!'_

'_Maybe she's in love with someone else!'_

Brittany found herself becoming more and more distressed with each thought, so decided to do what she should've done five minutes ago. She grabbed her cell phone from the floor, punched in Speed Dial 1, and waited anxiously, praying that Santana would answer. Her heart sank when she was greeted by her girlfriend's answering machine, but she decided to say something anyway, in the hope that Santana would listen to the message and talk to her about what had made her run out like that.

'Hey San, it's Britt. I hope you're okay. Look, I don't know what happened today, but I want you to know, you can talk to me about anything. I'm here if you need me. Anyway, I gotta go now. Lord Tubbington's knocking on my door again, he must be hungry. I'll see you at school tomorrow. I love you babe."

And with that, she hung up, let out a deep sigh, and began making her way downstairs to see to Lord Tubbington.

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><p>Meanwhile, over in Lima Heights on the other side of town, Santana arrived home. She wasn't surprised to find that the house was empty; her parents tended to be out a lot of the time, and even when they were home, they never made much effort to talk to her. They claimed it was because they always had so much work to do, but Santana knew it was because they had never really come to terms with the fact that she was a lesbian and that she was in love with Brittany.<p>

Brittany.

Thinking her name brought back the painful memories of what had just happened.

Santana couldn't stop picturing the hurt look on the blonde's face as she ran out of the room, not even giving a reason why.

But she did have a reason. A secret reason.

She just couldn't let Brittany, or anyone else for that matter, find out what it was.


	2. Closer To The Edge

Santana arrived at school late the next day. She had overslept due to the fact that she had been tossing and turning all night. She had difficulty falling asleep, and when she finally did, she was plagued with nightmares involving Brittany finding out her secret and breaking up with her because of it.

She walked around all day in a daze, avoiding Brittany and not speaking to anyone. She was dreading Glee rehearsal at the end of the day, knowing she would have to face the blonde and explain her erratic behaviour the day before.

It reached the end of the school day, and Santana sighed, dragging herself towards the choir room. Her heart began pounding nervously, and her eyes darted around, trying to remain inconspicuous.

But of course, she was spotted by a certain blonde sitting on the piano in the centre of the room.

When Brittany spotted the Latina, she jumped off and ran over to her, embracing the shorter girl in a warm hug. Santana could feel a lump beginning to form in her throat, so pulled away gently and offered her girlfriend a small smile. Brittany smiled back, and grabbed her hand and led her over to their usual seats at the back.

Mr Shue then strolled in and started talking about their third Sectionals set list, but Santana was barely paying attention. She was staring off into space blankly, preoccupied by whatever was on her mind. She was so dazed, she didn't notice Quinn looking at her curiously. She also failed to notice Quinn nudge Brittany and whisper something to her.

Glee rehearsal ended after what seemed like a lifetime to Santana, and as soon as Mr Shue dismissed them, she grabbed her bad and swiftly made her way to the door. She didn't make it too far however, as she found her path blocked by her two favourite blonde's; her girlfriend and one of her best friends. She frowned slightly, confused by the sudden intrusion of her personal space, but decided to see what they wanted.

"Um, hey guys." She said quietly, managing a weak smile. "What's up?"

"We were about to ask you the same thing." Said Quinn quietly.

Brittany was looking at Santana with a concerned expression on her face, hugging her arms to her chest in a way that Santana knew meant she was worried.

"Nothing's up. I…I'm fine. Really. I am." She answered. But her voice contained no conviction, and both girls knew she was lying.

"Come on San, let's go talk about this somewhere a bit more private." Said Brittany gently. She took the darker girl's hand, leading her towards the auditorium, which they knew would be empty as everyone else had gone home. Quinn followed behind, shooting worried glances at Brittany and trying to figure out what exactly was going on with her best friend.

They sat down in one of the rows of seats, Santana in the middle of Brittany and Quinn. She was clutching onto Brittany's hand as if her life depended on it, and fear was apparent in her striking features.

Brittany rubbed her girlfriend's hand soothingly, trying to calm her down. Santana took a few deep breaths, and tried to steady her racing heart.

"So San, you wanna tell us what's going on with you now?" asked Brittany, her voice quivering.

Santana could tell her girlfriend was worried, as was Quinn, but she just couldn't bring herself to tell them the truth. She was sure they would hate her if they found out. So she said nothing and continued to stare down at her and Brittany's intertwined hands.

"San?" murmured Quinn. "Please talk to us; you know we'll be here for you no matter what."

Santana then broke down, her body convulsing and heaving, wracked by the sobs she had been trying to hold in. Brittany held the Latina close, stroking her hair and murmuring words of comfort. Quinn took Santana's other hand and held it tight, shaking slightly from the fear she was feeling for her best friend.

Santana's sobs lessened after a while, until they were reduced to small hiccups. Brittany saw this as an opportunity to question her once again, so said:

"Come on San, we know you're hurting. Tell us why, and maybe we can help you feel better."

Santana then sat up straight, running her hands through her dishevelled hair and trying to wipe away the evidence of her tears; that was the smudges of mascara that soiled her face like drops of ink on an untouched sheet of parchment. She sniffed resolutely, stood up suddenly, and turned to face the two blonde's.

"Thanks for your concern girls; I do appreciate it. But it's fine. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine, really. I'm fine."

She placed emphasis on the last two words, as if she was trying to convince herself as well as her two best friends. She then turned and began making her way towards the doors leading outside to the car park.

"San, wait! I want to talk to you!" yelled Brittany.

"I have to get home now Britt, my, uh, my parents want me home early tonight. I'll…I'll text you later!"

And with that, she was out the door and gone before either of the two girls had a chance to even attempt to stop her.


	3. Take Off Your Colours

Later that night, Brittany was on the phone to Quinn.

"But I'm worried about her Q. I've never seen her act like that before. She literally froze up and ran out of my house. She didn't even say why she was leaving. She just went."

Quinn could hear the quiver in the other blonde's voice, and her heart swelled with sympathy.

"Look B, I think the only thing you can do is go to her house and try to speak to her there."

"Hmm, okay." Agreed Brittany.

"Good. So why don't you go and see her now? She doesn't usually have anything planned on a Monday night."

"Alright. I'll let you know how it goes. See you tomorrow Q. Love you."

"Night B. Love you too."

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><p>Brittany pulled up outside Santana's house, taking deep breaths and trying to pluck up the courage to walk up to the front door and knock. As she went to open the door of her car, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.<p>

**-Good luck for tonight. Hope it goes well. Love you. –Q x**

Brittany smiled a little at this and felt a little braver, so she opened her door and made her way to Santana's front door. She was surprised to see her parent's car was missing from the drive, as Santana had said that her parents wanted her home. Her brow furrowed slightly, and then she stretched out her arm and pressed the bell.

She heard shuffling footsteps then smiled as the door opened to reveal Santana in an oversized jumper and tracksuit bottoms.

"Hey." Brittany said softly.

"…Hey." Santana replied.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh…sure."

Santana then spun on her heels abruptly and walked into the living room, sitting at the far end of the sofa. Brittany followed behind her swiftly, her dancing ability making her lithe and graceful on her feet, making it easy for her to reach the sofa quickly and sit next to Santana.

The darker girl's eyes were glued to her lap; her fingers were nervously plucking at a loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper.

Brittany reached over and grasped Santana's hand in her own, noticing the Latina's sharp intake of breath. She leaned over and kissed Santana gently on the cheek, cupping her face in her free hand, gazing into her eyes.

"San. Please talk to me. I'm worried about you. So is Quinn. What's been going on with you lately?"

She began tracing small circles up Santana's arm; her fingers began approaching Santana's wrist, but then she abruptly withdrew her hand from the blonde's hold. Brittany tilted her head in confusion, and reached out once again to take her girlfriend's hand.

"…San? Why don't you want me to touch you?"

Santana could hear the emotion in Brittany's voice, and felt like her heart was going to break. She never wanted to hurt Brittany with all of this. Never.

"It's…it's not you. I mean, I do want you to touch me. I want that a lot."

This then evoked a small smile from Brittany, who nodded to encourage Santana to continue.

"But lately, I've been…having some problems."

"Problems? With what babe?" questioned Brittany, concern evident in her tone of voice.

"Just with like…family and school and stuff. You know. But, there is something I need to tell you."

She grabbed Brittany's hand urgently and looked deep into her eyes.

"Promise me you won't hate me for this B? Or freak out? Promise me? Please?"

"San, nothing could make me hate you. Just say what you have to say."

She took a deep breath; this was it. She was going to tell Brittany her secret.

She slowly began rolling up the sleeves of her jumper, reluctant to reveal the shame she concealed beneath the cotton barrier. She averted her gaze from the piercing blue eyes that were watching her intently, instead choosing to stare at the floor. As the sleeve passed her wrist, she heard Brittany inhale sharply.

She knew. She knew. She knew.

They stayed like that, Santana staring at the floor and Brittany staring at her arm, for a while, until Santana couldn't take the silence anymore.

"…Britt? Say something." She pleaded.

Brittany responded by taking Santana's arm in her hands, slowly tracing along the scars that lined the inside of the Latina's forearm. Some were white, imprinted in her caramel skin, while some were red and raw.

Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of the girl she loved causing herself this amount of pain. She then raised her eyes to meet Santana's, and saw that she too was crying. Brittany didn't know what to say, so instead she simply opened her arms and embraced Santana. The darker girl clutched onto the blonde desperately, as if she was afraid that she would disappear or run away.

"Do you…do you hate me now?" asked Santana tentatively.

"What? No! Of course I don't. I love you San. I just…I just want to help you. So you don't hurt yourself like this anymore."

She gestured to the scars, and Santana winced at the sight of them. Brittany noticed this, and pulled down the sleeve of her jumper gently, placing her hand over the scarred area. She then kissed Santana tenderly, then looked into her dark brown eyes and spoke:

"San, would you consider seeing someone? I know you don't like things like that, but I really think you would benefit from it. I hate to think of you not getting help and then doing yourself any more harm."

Normally, Santana would have scoffed at anyone who suggested she see a therapist, but she could see how painful this was for Brittany. So instead of lashing out and getting defensive, she nodded slowly and gave the blonde a small smile.

"Okay, good. Now, let me just text Quinn and let her know that you're okay."

"Wait! You're not going to tell her my secret, are you B?"

She grabbed Brittany's shoulder, and her eyes were wide with panic.

"No babe, of course not. She just wanted to know if you were okay."

Santana breathed a sigh of relief, and released Brittany from her grip so she could text their friend.

**-I'm with S now. She's okay, just going through a bit of a hard time. You should come over tomorrow, we can all hang out. Love you. –B x**

Brittany then turned to Santana, who had settled down on the sofa. The blonde lay behind her, wrapping her arms around her. She loved how they just fit together, like they were always mean to be.

Santana let out a small sigh, and then rolled over so she was facing the beautiful blonde. Her fingers trailed softly down pale white cheeks, and she stared into eyes as blue as the sea.

"Thank you Britt. Thank you for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much. "

"I love you too San. And don't worry, I'm always here for you. I just never want to lose you."

"You'll never lose me B. I want to be yours forever."

The two girls then shared a tender kiss, and Santana smiled to herself, knowing tomorrow would be a better day just because she would wake up next to the girl she loved. They cuddled closer together, then fell asleep in each other's arms; soul mates together at last.

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked it :) review please ^^<strong>


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